you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
