It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
