so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
