Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
