sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
