If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
