I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
