I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
