Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
