I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
