You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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