I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
