all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
