Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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