I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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