just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
