hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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