They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
