I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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