You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
