There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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