they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
