so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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