I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Randomize
