just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
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Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
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My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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