Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
