Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
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Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
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I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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