Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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