Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
