He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
