i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
