What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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