I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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