The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
