we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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