I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
