Can i not drive my cunt home
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
