our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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