you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
