I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
