my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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