called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize