Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
