She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My penis needs a shock collar
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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