I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
