u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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