i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
