how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
