they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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