You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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