plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
