Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
