Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
