Dude my mom stole all your condoms
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize