you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
