ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
