so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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