My balls are so social today.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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