I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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