are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
