dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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