you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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