I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
