I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
