mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
