At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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