So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
