Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
