we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
