I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
