I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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